Her yoga instructor was considered one of the best in the country. Indeed, he portrayed himself this way for as long as he could hold out, but his imbalances ate away at his ability to wear that mask, the mask of the sanctified. He grew into an abusive teacher who had sex with his students, but because of his status in his community, this was overlooked and considered the new normal. Eventually, inevitably, his fraudulent world collapsed around him. He went away, although his yoga lives on.
Sexual energy plays a bunch of roles in a bunch of spiritual scenarios. That’s vague enough, right? Perhaps you’ve read somewhere that spiritual gurus and/or kundalini-awakened people have more sexual energy and that’s why they sometimes slip into sexual depravity. In the case of kundalini that can be true. If such a one starts and stops kundalini over and over it can cause an abundance of energy to build up. This is especially true for those who do not live with it in the ever-present symbiotic sense, but can also be true for those who do. When such a one disengages kundalini before the energy is finished with its process—whatever that process may be—energy is left sitting in the body. With nowhere for the energy to go, those who remain unconscious of the problem may become psychologically deviant to allow its release.
As vague a term as “energy” is, it’s certainly not vague when it builds up! And this is how it builds up: active kundalini is doing something. If you don’t know what it’s doing then you also don’t know its timetable. You don’t know how long it will take. You may interrupt whenever you wish, but if there is a buildup and expulsion of energy involved in its exercises that does not have a chance to release, it may do so in other ways. If you remain ignorant to all of this, that release will come through dysfunctional, self-justified, and harmful behavior.
All of that said, not everyone who has a spiritual experience, an experience of oneness, or an experience of deep unity, experiences kundalini. Whether one experiences kundalini or not, one reason for so much sexual energy after a period of balance and bliss and hyper-aliveness is that being out of it means being out of the state of transpersonal love. You’ll find that such people often pretend they are still in it when they aren’t. The experience lives on in them as memory and knowledge, but they have not come to terms with the fact that they are no longer experiencing themselves as nirvana. In a bid to recapture that, they develop sexual dysfunctions. If they are rockstars in their subcultures, they often visit these dysfunctions upon their faithful.
These folks are not seeking to love anyone, though they may claim to love all equally, transpersonally. They are seeking to receive love (in this case, in the form of sexual gratification). They want to be pampered, taken care of, but not in a mutually loving relationship. Again, the nature of their lust is the loss of experiencing themselves as transpersonal love, and the oneway “relationship” they crave provides a deranged surrogate oneness. Immersed again in the world of separation, they seek that state through external means with other people. They consume their faithful.
It’s a high. Being babied is an externalized and temporary surrogate state of “oneness.” People who have not dived into the great transpersonal ocean can develop sexual dysfunctions that look similar yet stem from typical psychological urges, like wanting to be babied because they are seeking mommy’s love. This is not that. Although there is an element of longing for the same choiceless awareness that a baby enjoys, such a one does not long to abnegate adult responsibility. What such a one wants is for that radiant, blissful aspect of themselves to move to the fore again. They want that state they were in to be the stage upon which they live. They long for the wholeness they just were, not the newness of a baby without the faculty for decisions.
And if they are not careful, if they lie to themselves and say, “I am that wholeness, even now,” when they are not, their sexual energy becomes a burden. That burden, if unacknowledged or misunderstood, becomes a perversion. And that perversion is everyone’s responsibility, for the faithful who allow themselves to be taken advantage of do so under the assumption that it is for higher good, or to please someone they put on a pedestal. Those reasons are also perversions. Compatible perversions.
Our relationships are often a merging of compatible dysfunctions when we’re not vigilant in understanding our motives. To understand you is to understand another. It’s often said that we should not give away our power to another, but in fact we are not giving away our power. We are avoiding understanding ourselves by laying that dilemma at someone else’s feet. If that person accepts our running from ourselves, they are enablers and likely predators. Ditto, if they accept their own superior status that we give to them.
Seeing all of this clearly means never falling into the trap. Those truly engaged in understanding have no desire to see the trap as anything but what it is.